Redefine Success and Live a Life True to Your Values

Deconstructing the "Default" Definition of Success

What does it mean to be "successful"? For many, the default answer involves wealth, status, a prestigious career, and perhaps a picture-perfect family. These are the metrics society often presents as the gold standard. But how often do people achieve these milestones only to feel empty or unfulfilled? A 2024 Gallup poll found less than half of U.S. employees feel completely satisfied with their jobs, highlighting a disconnect even when "successful" by traditional standards.

This "default" definition often leads to a relentless pursuit of external validation. We strive for the next promotion, the bigger house, or the approval of others, often neglecting our internal compass. It's time to ask: Is this truly success, or is it a societal script we've unconsciously adopted?

Identifying Your Core Values

The foundation of self-defined success lies in understanding your core values. These are the principles that guide your decisions and give your life meaning. They are deeply personal and might include things like creativity, connection, learning, justice, adventure, or security. WonderSage has published extensively about the importance of value clarification. For example you can explore our posts Unlock Authentic Fulfillment by Decoding Your Core Values and Your Values Blueprint Discover and Live Your Core Principles.

To identify your values, consider these questions:

• What moments in your life have felt most meaningful? What values were present in those moments?
• What issues or causes do you feel strongly about?
• Who do you admire, and what qualities do they possess?
• What activities make you feel energized and engaged?

Mark Manson, author of "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck," emphasizes the importance of choosing values that are process-oriented rather than outcome-dependent. For example, valuing "honesty" is more sustainable than valuing "being liked by everyone."

The Illusion of Comparison

In the age of social media, it's easier than ever to fall into the comparison trap. We see curated highlight reels of others' lives and often feel inadequate. This constant comparison fuels dissatisfaction and distracts us from our own path. As highlighted in research, social comparison on social media can significantly impact self-esteem and mental well-being.

Strategies for detaching from the comparison trap include:

• Mindful Social Media Use: Limit your time on platforms and be conscious of how they make you feel.
• Cultivating Gratitude: Focus on what you do have rather than what you lack.
• Celebrating Others' Successes: Shift your mindset from envy to genuine appreciation.

Setting Meaningful Goals

Once you've clarified your values, you can set goals that align with them. These goals should be intrinsically motivating, meaning they are driven by your internal desires rather than external pressures.

Instead of aiming for a specific job title because it's considered "prestigious," ask yourself:

• What kind of impact do I want to make?
• What skills do I want to develop?
• What kind of work environment will allow me to thrive?

This shift in focus ensures your goals are stepping stones toward a life that feels authentically fulfilling, and not just achieving for the sake of achieving.

Embracing Imperfection and Failure

The pursuit of self-defined success is not a linear path. It's inevitable that you'll encounter setbacks and "failures." Carol S. Dweck's research on growth mindset highlights the importance of viewing these experiences as learning opportunities. WonderSage also addresses this in our blog posts: Turn Failure into Your Greatest Teacher with a Growth Mindset and Transform Failure from Setback to Stepping Stone.

Instead of seeing a "failure" as a reflection of your worth, ask yourself:

• What can I learn from this experience?
• How can I adapt my approach?
• What support do I need to move forward?

Brené Brown emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and embracing imperfection as crucial components of a wholehearted life. Her research on shame and resilience provides valuable insights into navigating difficult emotions that arise when we step outside societal expectations. WonderSage addresses this extensively in these posts: Embrace Imperfection A Practical Guide to Overcoming Perfectionism, Break Free from Perfectionism Embrace Imperfection and Thrive, Overcoming Perfectionism From Self-Criticism to Self-Acceptance and Embrace Imperfection Find Freedom and Joy in a Flawed World.

Living Authentically

When you define success on your own terms, you create space for authentic living. You make choices aligned with your values, pursue goals that genuinely excite you, and build relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. This authenticity fosters a sense of purpose and fulfillment that no external achievement can replicate.

Practical Steps to Redefine Success

1. Reflect on Your Values: Spend time journaling or meditating on what truly matters to you.
2. Audit Your Social Media: Unfollow accounts that trigger comparison or negativity.
3. Set Value-Aligned Goals: Create small, achievable goals that move you closer to your vision.
4. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during setbacks. For further reading, check out WonderSage's posts on the subject, starting with Cultivate Self-Compassion A Practical Guide to Self-Kindness.
5. Seek Support: Connect with friends, family, or a therapist who can support your journey.

Defining success on your own terms is a continuous process of self-discovery and growth. It requires courage, self-awareness, and a willingness to challenge societal norms. Also be sure to review this blog post from WonderSage: Redefine Success From External Validation to Inner Fulfillment.

WonderSage can help you explore these concepts further, in a book designed specifically for you.